Friday, September 23, 2011

Homeless Man and the Search Warrant

A homeless man in San Francisco was served with a search warrant for suscpicion of being part of the Hacker group Anonymous. What did they search? His shopping cart?
"Please sir, hand over your shopping card and box that you sleep in at night. We have a search warrant."
You bet the rookie cop probably got the job of frisking him.
It's pretty hard to imagine a homeless man being a hacker or cracker or black hat or who else he thinks other people are calling him. Do you think he hides a netbook under the papers in his cart? Or he has figured out a way to generate electricity when he pushes the cart around all day, hooked up the wheels to some dynamo or something, gathering electricity for the all night hackathon via some open Wifi connection.
Or do you just think he was a victim of identity theft?

The most successful failure

HP can't catch a break. First they wanted to get rid of WebOS. On the same day, they hinted they no longer wanted to make PCs.
First, you can't fool anybody. HP hasn't been making PCs for a long time. It's all made in China-land.
Second, we know you have been thinking of this for a while.
But it's not all bad news. They figured out a way to clear the shelves full of WebOS tablets. HP priced it so low, WebOS tablets literally flew off the shelves. You can hear America taking in a deep breath and suddenly 300,000 tablets were gone. HP suddenly were successful at something.
If you call making a 200 dollar loss on each tablet a success.

Now they want to make another run. They want to make more tablets to sell.
Let me get this straight. You made a ton of them and couldn't sell them.
Then you sold all of them and loss a boatload of money.
And you want to make more?

HP, how many whips do you have in your closet? Are you sure you're not into leather and chains. I'm saying it's a problem. What you do on your own time is your business. But mixing business and pleasure is not the way to go.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Keeping an eye on what is important

Have you heard about the company in China that makes all these tablet computers?
They have had problems with their workers. Specifically, them stop working. Because they are killing themselves.
How depressing can you be to choose killing yourself over quitting? Walk out. Go away.
You are not that trapped. If you are going to be trapped, spend months in the cargo hold of a ship and come to America.
----
Recently, they have said they have found the solution. They have addressed the problem. Suicides are down by 80%. 80%! That is a success. I mean no disrespect for the 20% but you have to give the company something for doing something about it.
What did they do?
They installed nets on the sides of the buildings.
Which means that you can attempt suicide.
But we will catch you.
Literally.

"Yahooooo.."
Boing.
"Ok breaks over. Back to work."

Talk about keeping your priorities straight.

Friday, September 9, 2011

HP Divorcing

We all know HP is splitting up. Or as I call it, H is divorcing P. Hewlett Packard, that beloved company that does printers and stuff is deciding that it needs space. Space from it's PC division, who is apparent losing money. That's why companies spilt, right? Because they need more money.
What? HP is not losing money? That's crazy. Why break up a happy home.

Oh, it's just not earning enough. Or in relationship terms, one of them has outgrew the other. Someone's bacon isn't big enough anymore. You have to pull your own weight in the house of HP. "Don't make enough? Get out! I can make more money without yours."
Which makes total sense. Only in business does subtraction equals more than what you begin with. H makes a billion dollars, P makes half a billion dollars. H divorces P and suddenly H makes 2 billion dollars. Hmm..

We all heard that HP is being split up. Apparently it doesn't like the part that doesn't make enough money. Does anybody think about the customers in cases like this.? Of course HP has put out press releases to say that nothing it wrong. Which is bull-crap. Because if everything was hunky dory, there wouldn't be any split would they? Happy companies, thinking of their customers don't split up. HP put out full-page ads explaining that the split is for them, the customer. They are doing this to benefit the customer.
That's like telling the kids that mommy and daddy are splitting up because of them.
"Don't worry Billy, we are doing this for you."
The college fund... gone for therapy.
There is nothing good coming out of this for HP's customers. Especially in the short term. Imagine the people who have to explain this split to their customers. They have to smile and punch you at the same time. There is no different than those splitting parents.
"We still love you, Billy. Mommy and Daddy will always love you."
"But why do I have to go, mommy? Will I have two mommys and Daddies?"
"Yes, Billy. Daddy and Uncle Mike will have you on the weekends. You will stay with me and Auntie Jane on school days."
That's whats going to happen right? The H or the P, the company will merge together with another company very much like it.



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